Invested

I've always been someone who emotionally invests in people without thinking about the end.
When I began this block of student teaching I knew that it would soon be over. That didn't stop me from trying each and every day to reach out to my students.
Now that I have finally reached them, it's time to say goodbye. I will not have the opportunity to plan lessons around their interests and ability levels. I will not have the chance to see them learn to read or to make solid friendships.
In 4 days I will have different students, with different issues and personalities. By Friday I will have invested in them only to find that all too soon it will be time to once again say goodbye.
This is not a good way to learn.
This is a part of our program that is seriously flawed and needs to be fixed.
For now all I can do is hug them a little tighter, listen a little bit longer, and try not to cry as they tell me goodbye tomorrow.

Replacement

Melanie's next student teacher starts on Monday. She came to observe today. We introduced her and explained that I would be leaving and she would be taking my place.
"Will you come back to visit?" a boy asked.
"Maybe on really special days," I said, wondering to myself if I would be able to keep that committment.
"Do you have to go?" they asked.
"Yeah," I said, and explained that I'm not done with school yet and I have to go help other students so I can be a 'real' teacher.
I told them I would miss them a lot.
They seemed okay with that.
When they left today I got extra hugs and three goodbye cards.
"I'm not leaving until Friday!" I reminded them.
They knew - they were just preparing themselves.
I should start that too.

Balance

What goes up must come down and yesterday was definitely a 'down' day.
They were rambunctious, not listening...bouncy. The fun from the day before had given a false impression of school. Coconuts and guitars are great but being able to fill out paperwork is a life skill. Being able to transfer what you have learned from your brain to a worksheet or conversation is essential. If we do not teach them how to communicate their ideas...how to internally motivate themselves and not always depend on external fun, we have failed them.
This week I will aim for more balance, with the goal being a once a day period of complete and total engagement brought on by fascination for learning.

Coconuts

Today I brought in a coconut. It related to a story we were reading, and I thought it would be fun to taste the milk and graph who liked it and who didn't.
For 30 minutes they were the most well behaved students on the planet. They sat quietly and were completely engaged in the lesson I was doing.
We drank the milk, broke open the coconut, and used a knife to shave out the inside 'meat'. They loved every single second.
It's amazing how there is no need for classroom management when you make learning fascinating. It's what school should be, but it's the first time I think I've ever seen every student completely engaged in any classroom.
My goal will be for it to happen at least once a day.

Exhaustion

We're all exhausted.
I've been drinking much more tea than normal, and today 6 of my students slept through conflict management and on in to recess.
Yesterday they were out of control for the last hour of the day. I felt like all I did was say, "Sit down, pay attention, stop touching your neighbor, don't play with the squeaky door..."
Turns out they were standing up and wandering off and hitting and because if they didn't they would fall asleep. I'm still learning to balance stimulation with calm activities. Worksheets and 'table assignments' with moving and being up and running around. A little more 'traditional school' will do us all a little good. Too many adventures aren't a good balance for any of us.
Today they were much better. Tomorrow I will let them nap more, and realize that their wiggles are their way of keeping themselves awake when they so desperately need time to recharge.

A New Addition

Tomorrow they will meet Aspen (my guitar, named by my Y students). Aspen will (hopefully) calm their wiggles at nap time and will help to smooth over the chaos of transitions.
10 days is what I have left with them.
Time to make the most of every single moment.

Everyday is better than the last.
My lessons are going well. The kids respond, I feel calm and in charge. We're having fun. Yesterday I was reading a story and couldn't help but laugh at the part where the frog's swimming suit got stuck on a stick at the bottom of the lake. The kids couldn't help but laugh either, and we giggled for a good couple of minutes before returning to the story.
They're off their 'first week of school' good behavior and on to their 'let's see how far we can push' mode. I've disciplined - some of it is 'developmentally appropriate', while others maybe isn't so much. Sometimes kids don't respond to things the way books (and professors) say they will. I've gotten comfortable knowing that I know what will, and won't, work for my students, and I need to trust my gut instinct and go with it.
Tomorrow in the afternoon we're going for a nature walk to end our sorting unit in math. The kids will sort by attribute and we'll share when we get back. It's the most rewarding thing in the world to see kids excited about a lesson I've planned, prepared, and taught.
This is good...and it only gets better.

"Your husband is pretty," she said.
"He's not my husband, he's my boyfriend." I replied with a smile.
"But my mommy's married. Why aren't you?" she asked.
"I'm not as old as your mommy," I said.
"Oh." she hesitated. "Your husband is very pretty."

Everyday I feel more comfortable teaching and interacting with my students. Everyday I get a little more attached. Everyday I become a bigger part of the routine, and the routine becomes a bigger part of me. I'm hungry for snack at 10, lunch at 11, and math at 1:15.
How cruel to make me leave after only 5 weeks. As of tomorrow I am half way done.
There's still so much to learn...so many hugs to accept and return...so much laughter in which to share.

Quote of the Day

"Little kids rule, big kids drool."
- Seth

Gone

The bouncy one withdrew from our class today.
We did not have to have the dreaded 'We don't think he's ready' conversation.
There were no tears, no awkward goodbyes...only a phone call saying that he had gotten in to the program we had reccomended for him and that he would not be returning to our room.
He will hopefully be back next year, more mature, and ready for all that kindergarten has in store for him.
Until then, he is in an environment which will allow him to experience the success he wasn't getting in our room.
'The system' worked this time.
It feels good to have been a part of that.

Weekend

After a day of sleeping in, cooking food, working out, and relaxing...I'm ready to go back.
To hugs and fingerplays and stories about cookies hidden under pillows.
To our bouncy one, who I will make a special effort to connect with tomorrow. He may be gone soon. If he is, I want to make sure it's the right decision, and not just what's easiest for us.
To learning and teaching and being one day closer to my own classroom.
I'm refreshed and ready to go. I'm sure they are, too.

The Bouncy One

May have to leave. Today he bit me and kicked my shin. This was after he pushed a kid into a wall. He pinches and pushes and is constantly being reprimanded for one thing or another. If I compliment on how nicely he's sitting he gets up and runs around. If I say, "Wow - I like how you are so nice and quiet," he takes it as a que to talk at the top of his lungs.
He is not socially, emotionally, or cognitively ready for kindergarten. We tell ourselves he may adjust - give him a couple more days.
Everyday he is a little worse. At lunch he chews up his food, spits it out, then eats it again. He is not ready for us, and we are not prepared to help him. He needs one on one attention from someone who is much more trained than us.
Next week we will meet with his parents and discuss his options. How hard is must be to hear that your child is having such a hard time adjusting and making friends. The thought of telling his mom exactly how bad it is brings tears to my eyes...
At the same time the other students do not deserve to be in a classroom with someone who is abusive.
Today we called to have him removed from the room to spend time with a special ed teacher. It's something I thought I'd never do. It was admitting that I didn't have the training or patience to educate him, and neither did my cooperating teacher. Realizing that I couldn't balance his needs with the needs of my other students....that I couldn't be everything to all of them. It's the first time I've ever felt like I failed a student.
And it was only the fourth day.

Day 2

I survived the first two days. Our kids did too, although many of them looked much more tired today than they did yesterday.
Having the first graders in the same room as the kindergartners has been a huge help. Each kindergartner has a first grade buddy, which saves us time and helps the new and old students bond.
Am not overwhelmed with planning...yet...but feel myself getting that way. Work is not helping. My heart is not in it, and every night at 11:30 I second guess my decision to work at all. I want to focus on my students. I have homework to do for class. Working over 20 hours a week is not allowing that.
The day goes so fast and things that take hours to plan take minutes to complete.
That's little kids for you.
They're fun...and smart...and caring...I under estimated them on so many levels.
We have a bouncy one. He's not ready for kindergarten, but ECI (early childhood intervention) somehow felt the need to advance him. Mom had a lot to do with it, I think. If only people would let kids develop as their brains are ready...their lives would be so much easier.
Ready or not, tomorrow I teach math - graphing. I'm ready.

It looks like a classroom exploded into my living room.
9 posters, a growth chart, and days of the week need to be cut out of laminating film.
I have reading and planning to do for tomorrow. Binders and books and file folders and canvas bags full of materials that will soon be organized in to lesson plans.
The work is just beginning, and while my excitement grows, my body is exhausted and begging for a break.

Moving Day

Today we moved.
2 semis of boxes and desks and filing cabinets and book shelves.
How glad I was to be done.
It was interesting to see how staff interact with each other under stress. Who the hard working, team players are, and who did anything they could to get out of moving. Who showed up on time and did what needed to be done...who stood around and talked to others about their summer.
I lost respect for some, gained much more for others.
The experience of setting up a classroom from start to finish is something that is extremely valuable. The opportunity to work with and bond with staff before the beginning of school is even more valuable.
This is going to be an amazing month.
Kids on Tuesday - YAY!