Sometimes I don't like my students.
Most days I do but somedays, like today, I really don't.
They're frustrating and unappreciative and obnoxious. They talk back and don't listen and expect me to do their work for them even though I've already successfully completed 2nd grade. They want me to feel sorry for them and all they don't have when what I really want is for them to quit wasting what they DO have.
Oh, and the fact that they can't walk in a line without poking or hitting or otherwise bothering the person in front of them is pretty much rediculous.
I told them that too...in those exact words.
I think I say, "This is so rediculous" or "You've got to be kidding me" at least 10 times a day.
The problem is that there's days when they do listen. When the conduct themselves like normal 2nd graders, not tiny little gansta homies. They're respectful and engaged and...well...pretty darn likeable.
If there were not days like that I could put up with days like today, but instead they leave me at the end of the day with an unenthusiastic goodbye and I obsess all night over how we all, as a team, failed today.
Kiddos, tomorrow needs to be better.
You will follow our expectations.
You will come ready to learn.
You will respect me and in turn I will respect you.
You will not ask me to go to the bathroom when you know it's not an appropriate time to go, and you will not sharpen your pencil when I am trying to teach you something.
You will not talk in the halls or jump on your classmates.
You will not eat your clothes.
I do not expect you to be geniuses, but I expect you to be more than average because average doesn't cut it.
If you want to be something someday you need to be better and I will NOT let you settle for less, even if it robs me of all of my sleep.

Show and Tell

One of their favorite parts of the week is show and tell. I personally think it's a materialistic waste of time, but they love it and who am I to rain on their parade?
Usually I just facilitate but today I had something to share...it was time for them to meet the happy gram. All of my dorkiness somehow made it seem like the coolest thing in the world - exactly the effect I was looking for.
After sharing we open the floor for questions or comments.
"Did you make it?" a boy asked.
"Yup," I said, in true 2nd grader fashion.
"Cool!" they replied.
I just about fainted.
Something I did was cool.
Miracles happen everyday...

We focus too much on the negative behavior in our classroom.
Even when I say, "I really appreciate how so and so is sitting," most of the time it's not for the purpose of complimenting that student, but getting a majority of the others to also sit.
We use too much sarcasm.
The 'good kids' - who are attentive and actually participate - get looked over.
If I were them I would start acting out just to get some damned attention.

Tomorrow that will change.
I will go to school armed with happy grams - blank note cards decorated with stickers and magic markers that will be put in kids' homework folders when they have a particularly good day, telling their parents something specific that their child excelled at that day.
I'm going to figure out how to modify and steal Amy's lottery idea to meet the needs of my students and I'm going to email professors for ideas of other ways to positively reinforce behavior that fosters more intrinsic motivation...
Something has got to break.
Most days I hate our classroom - they've got to, too.
I've got 5 weeks left to change that.

Where I Am Today

In a large city in Minnesota teaching at an inner city reform model school.
Stories of my successes and failures as a teacher trying to find herself in her classroom will be documented here as I have the energy to post them.

Jumping Through Hoops

1 more day.
Hostility.
Mixed messages.
Things said behind backs that are denied to the face.
Middle school meets babysitting.
This is not the kind of experience I wanted to have.
Have fun with the kids.
Learn from them.
Rise above the rest, and figure out what kind of teacher I do not want to be.

Monday will bring new kids...new teachers...new lessons.
I just found out I'll be working the shifts opposite of my lead teacher.
Student teaching = free labor.
What happened to education?

Sick Day

The germs have officially attacked.
I've been fighting it for 5 days now...quite successfully I might add. The sleep and green tea and lots of hand washing worked....until some time in the middle of the night when my body was off guard and they attacked like fruit flies on a ripe banana.
I am officially down for the count. I even drove to Walmart at 5:30 in the morning to get medicine. Do you know the kinds of people that are in Walmart at 5:30 in the morning? The kind of people that remind me why I hate Walmart.
We have a parent meeting tonight I want to go to. 3 hours to figure out what I can do to swallow water, stop the pounding in my head, and not be dizzy every time I stand up.
Oh the life of people who pay $3000 dollars to be exposed to ions of germs and work for free...

New Students

Tomorrow is day 4.
I haven't fully weaned myself from the Schoolcraft routine, and there's still moments in the day when I think about what I would be doing if I were there.
My new place is completely different. The people, the education, the expectations, the students.
My enthusiasm is not what it has been for other settings, but everyday I feel it grow a little more. I have a responsibility to my students to put all of me in to these 5 weeks.
The ultimate goal of this time spent in classrooms is to prepare me for next year - when I will have my classroom with my students.
Perspective, perspective, perspective.
I have 10 months to be the best person I can be for my first day with them.
I will be ready.

Invested

I've always been someone who emotionally invests in people without thinking about the end.
When I began this block of student teaching I knew that it would soon be over. That didn't stop me from trying each and every day to reach out to my students.
Now that I have finally reached them, it's time to say goodbye. I will not have the opportunity to plan lessons around their interests and ability levels. I will not have the chance to see them learn to read or to make solid friendships.
In 4 days I will have different students, with different issues and personalities. By Friday I will have invested in them only to find that all too soon it will be time to once again say goodbye.
This is not a good way to learn.
This is a part of our program that is seriously flawed and needs to be fixed.
For now all I can do is hug them a little tighter, listen a little bit longer, and try not to cry as they tell me goodbye tomorrow.